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God’s word concerning abuse is clear, God hates abuse. The study of the bible reveals the heart and will of God for marriage and divorce and, offers hope and direction for abuse victims. Neither God or the Bible will ever make sense if man’s definition of biblical marriage includes bondage, abuse, betrayal, treason, treachery, or love that delights in evil. You might be wondering whether or not God will be angry at you for saving your life by leaving an abusive marriage; you might be wondering how can God love you and want you to spend the rest of your life bound to a marriage that defies His word and destroys His child.
Much of what we have heard concerning God’s heart for the abused is wrapped up in different unbiblical theologies and church doctrines. It’s not a small problem, it’s a big problem, a dangerous problem, and even a deadly problem for the heart and will of God concerning abuse victim’s to be confused or misunderstood. Think about the consequences of God’s word concerning the abused being hidden, convoluted or distorted…it doesn’t take much effort to figure out who benefits from confusion concerning God’s heart for the abused and who suffers.
To understand God’s heart for the abused, we have to start from the source of the confusion. The source of confusion is not the bible. What many have been confused by is not the bible but the teaching of the bible. There is no shortage of false and misguided teachings on the subject of biblical marriage and divorce, and the driver behind most of the false and misguided teaching on marriage and divorce is toxic patriarchy, religiosity and outright heresy — concocted by self-serving wolves who twist the bible to support their covert agendas and their belief that women are the God ordained property of men. This mentality isn’t new, this mentality is as old as the bible, and it is still very much alive and well in many churches today — to the detriment of abuse victims and the benefit of abusers.
“I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. 30 Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them” (Acts 20:29-30).
One of the most telling and disturbing examples of false teaching concerning divorce, by some, is the use of, “God hates divorce,” as a means of coercing and guilting abuse victims into staying in an abusive marriage — for life. What makes this false and misleading misquote so dangerous is not that God, or anybody, loves divorces but that the actual text, in context, is a rebuke of unfaithful husbands whose vile behavior God condemned as, “doing violence to the one that you are supposed to love.” It only takes one scripture to be distorted and generally accepted as true to cause a domino effect — all other scriptures on the subject, any subject, are forced to fit into the false narrative. This is what the bible means when it says, “This false teaching is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough!” (Galatians 5:9).
Let’s look at “God hates divorce” closely, because it will also give us an understanding of the importance of rightly dividing the world of truth — on any subject. This misquote and false application of scripture “God hates divorce” comes from Malachi 2:16, and for covert and deceptive reasons, is rarely, if ever, quoted in context (Malachi 2:10-16).
Malachi 2:10-16 (NIV) reads:
10 Do we not all have one Father[b]? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our ancestors by being unfaithful to one another?
11 Judah has been unfaithful. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the Lord loves by marrying women who worship a foreign god.
12 As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the Lord remove him from the tents of Jacob[c]—even though he brings an offering to the Lord Almighty.
13 Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
15 Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring.[d] So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty.
As we can see, in context, God did not say He hates divorce. The context of this passage is a rebuke of rebellious men, religious men, who were throwing their wives away to fulfill the lust of their flesh. They were being rebellious and their rebellion, God said, “does violence to the one he should protect.” But that’s not all, much like today, these religious men were also vile in their disregard for God’s daughters…because there was no concern for the impact or consequence of their behavior, which was not only betrayal trauma but also the reality that these men were throwing God’s daughters away without a letter of divorce. Societally, a woman who was thrown away without a letter of divorce was forbidden to remarry and relegated to a life of poverty and shame — while the unfaithful religious hypocrite went about his business unbothered. Much like we see today.
Can you imagine a scripture, in context, referencing God’s rebuke of unfaithful men, being used to coerce and guilt abuse victims to stay in destructive marriages with men of the same mentality as the men God rebuked? This one scripture represents the underlying and covert hypocrisy that is so pervasive in religious teachings about divorce and abuse. A spouse doesn’t get married to get divorced or to be abused. God hates the sin that causes divorce — a hardened and rebellious heart (Romans 1:28-32).
What also contributes to the confusion surrounding abuse and divorce is the rarely discussed truth concerning God’s heart for the abused and His hatred for abuse: “The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion” (Psalm 11:5). Now, based on God’s position regarding violence, reread what God said in Malachi 2:16: “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty.” The bible is clear about what God hates, it is the mentality of the wicked and the injury of His children by the wicked, in marriage and in life.
God so despises abuse and the pain it causes His children, He tells His church to deliver His child from the wicked: “How long will you[a] defend the unjust
and show partiality to the wicked? Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked” (Psalm 82:2-4). God’s heart is not to reward an abuser with a spouse or punish the injured spouse by binding them to a life of hell for the benefit of an abuser, God’s heart and will is to “free his child from the hand of the wicked.”
I know you’ve been told that all marriages are equal, God joined everybody who said “I do” together, and as long as they are your spouse they are exempt from God’s commandments. Lies, lies, all biblical lies!
Listen, no scripture in the Bible concerning covenant marriage is speaking of a marriage or a mentality of a mate that is an abomination to God (Psalm 11:5). Abuse, treason, treachery, and betrayal aren’t marriage problems or behavior that marriage is biblically ordained to accommodate or accept. To the contrary, the biblical marriage covenant is a divine symbol of the love that Christ has for the church (Ephesians 5:25-30).
The liars, false teachers and the deceived would have you to believe that destroying, desecrating and defiling God’s child is permitted by God as long as the perpetrator is a mate. Here’s the truth, God didn’t join you together with the enemy of His word, God didn’t ordain you or marriage to be a benefit, a bonus or a blessing for the wicked. The word of God concerning abusing a mate is clear: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19). The bible cannot be more clear.
So what about the bible’s reference to not being able to divorce except for adultery? This is perhaps the second and most misused scripture on divorce and as with all scripture taken out of context, it has a domino effect — leading to the ignorance of the facts. The below are the two scriptures that are quoted most often about adultery being the only cause for divorce:
“But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32)
“Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9)
Slowly, reread these two passages again and then ask yourself, who is Jesus talking to and why? Context matters when it comes to the bible. First of all, Jesus is talking to the religious men, the same religious men who God was talking to in Malachi 2:10-16. What were the religious men doing in Malachi 2:10-16? Throwing away God’s daughters to chase after the lusts of their flesh. These men were doing violence against the one’s they were supposed to protect and their rebellious behavior had continued even after God rebuked them in Malachi 2:10-16. Jesus’ statements in Matthew were not out of the blue, they were in direct response to these religious men trying to get Jesus to co-sign their rebellious behavior of throwing God’s wives away — in the manner they were accustomed to: “Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” (Matthew 19:3).
Jesus was rebuking the unfaithful and rebellious behavior of these religious men and affirming the purpose and plan for a Godly marriage. A Godly marriage is between God’s people and is based on their joint commitment to uphold the marriage covenant — which is what makes a Godly marriage different from any other marriage. Jesus was saying to the rebellious religious men, “Your behavior is unacceptable and your fleshly reasons for divorce are unacceptable and rebellious. And unless your wife commits adultery, you cannot divorcer her and if you do, you will commit adultery if you marry another woman.” This is what these unfaithful religious men were doing and in doing so, behaving like the heathen or the unbeliever — which is what God rebuked in Malachi 2:10-16. This is the same group of men trying to get Jesus’ approval for the same behavior that God already rebuked. And Jesus responded to their covert attempt to get His approval for their violent behavior with rebuke.
In other words, if God joins his child together with another, there are two conditions. The first is, they must be evenly yoked: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). The second condition is, they must submit to each other out of reverence for Christ: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Why? Because a depraved, unbelieving, diabolical individual cannot submit to their spouse out of reverence for Christ, because their rebellious mentality is that of an unbeliever or the Antichrist. A diabolical, abusive individual is not joined together by God to God’s child. That would violate God’s own covenant promise to His child: ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11). There is no hope and no future in bondage, that’s why God freed the children of Israel from bondage.
We have to be really clear, biblical marriage does not apply to a false or wicked mate. Wickedness nullifies the biblical marriage covenant because wickedness is the enemy of God’s marital covenant commandment:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body” (Ephesians 5:25-30).
Loving you like Christ loves the church is not an option, it’s a God requirement in a covenant marriage.
To say that the Bible doesn’t make a distinction between a holy and an unholy marriage, is the same as saying that the Bible doesn’t make a distinction between a follower of Christ and an enemy of Christ, the repentant and the rebellious, the wolf and the sheep, or the reprobate and those who reverence Christ. There’s a distinction, a biblical distinction between good and evil — in all things, and the Bible’s treatment of a covenant marriage and a marriage that destroys God’s child is as different as night and day.
God is not the author of confusion…He does not cover wickedness, evil or sin with marriage. Relationship, even with God, is subject to conditions (Romans 1:28-32), no differently than human relationships. Marriage is not exempt from God’s commandments regarding love and behavior…a biblical marriage embodies God’s commandments regarding love and behavior — which is why it is called a covenant agreement.
I don’t care what the religious flying monkeys told you, I don’t care what the abuser friendly church told you, I don’t care what any misguided church leader or Christian told you, God didn’t join you together with an abuser, and God’s marital covenant is severed by the violence of abuse — mental, physical or emotional abuse. All abuse is physical, no abuse is exempt and the word of God condemns all abuse — God hats abuse with a passion (Psalm 11:5).
Contrary to false teaching, adultery is not the only cause for divorce. God, in His divine wisdom, also biblically protects His child from a violent, unbelieving mate who rebels against His marriage covenant. When abuse occurs in a marriage, an unbelieving mentality is the perpetrator. When abuse occurs in a marriage, that unbelieving mentality departs the marriage covenant. When the marriage covenant is departed from — physically or behaviorally, God biblically releases the injured spouse from that unholy bondage and calls them to the peace of unconditional freedom: “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15). When God calls His child to peace, they are free indeed and are divinely restored to a status of single — and free to remarry if they so choose.
Divorce doesn’t end an abusive marriage, unholy, treasonous behavior does. Divorce is a legal process that confirms God’s divine justice: “For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer” (Romans 13:4).
When the Bible promises that a man will reap what he sows, that includes wicked, abusive, treacherous, treasonous, betraying spouses. Because a spouse that neglects or abuses anyone in their house is worse than unbeliever: “But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers” (1 Timothy 5:8).
For many, this might be hard to believe, and for others this completely contradicts the teaching that you’ve received. That’s even more so the reason to consider it’s significance. The bible tells us: “Let God be true, and every human being a liar. As it is written: “So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge” (Romans 3:4)…in other words, it doesn’t matter what we’ve heard or what we’ve been taught. What matters is what God actually said, and what God actually said does not support His child being abused in a marriage or any other relationship: “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned” (Titus 3:10-11; 2 Timothy 3:1-5, 1 Corinthians 5:11, Romans 1:28-32).
God’s heart for the abused matters. It matters in the way that we teach about biblical marriage and divorce. It matters to our relationship with God. When the heart of God is confused with approval of abuse in His covenant marriage, the whole bible becomes distorted, and even relationship with God becomes distorted. God’s love for us is absolute, and His love will not throw His children in the Lions den or keep them in the lions den to feed wickedness.
God’s marriage covenant has a zero tolerance of abuse!
Today’s Exercise
What we believe about God’s heart for the abused matters. Not only for ourselves but for the countless victims being held captive by lies — and the only way they will be set free is by truth tellers. God’s truth tellers. No matter what the subject, God’s word is the final word, the final say and the only truth that matters for our life.
- Write down the lies or untruths that you’ve heard about biblical marriage and divorce, then write the truth beneath each lie or untruth.
- Identify two resources that will reinforce your understanding of God’s truth concerning biblical marriage and divorce. Below are three excellent resources to use:
Bless you.
Patrick
