Let’s get started with today’s session…
In a famous 1895 Atlanta speech, Booker T. Washington said to the audience, “Cast down your buckets where you are.” Dr. Washington’s point was that people should make the most of any situation they find themselves in…or put another way, we should maximize our opportunities and take advantage of what we can where we are.
As a survivor, it took me a while to fully appreciate and understand that I am my first and most important advocate. As a young adult, I struggled for years with post-traumatic stress — after nearly two decades of torment and terror as a child. As a child, my worst day was my best day, and no day was better than the worst. My mother and I lived like caged animals…constantly on guard, constantly vigilant, and constantly aware that on any given day my father would erupt like a volcano in a drunken rage.
The impact of trauma, for most of us, doesn’t fully manifest until after we’ve been freed or rescued from the traumatic environment. In our post-traumatic world, the residual effects of trauma begin to surface and tend to evoke two emotional extremes: feeling either too much (overwhelmed) or too little (numb) emotion.
I would love to be able to say that my first response was to seek help or even to acknowledge that I needed help. No, my first response was denial. I know what that sounds like but understand that trauma denial isn’t about denying what happened as much as it is about protecting yourself from the pain of what happened. The pain was evident in my interactions, thoughts, daymares and nightmares. I didn’t want to feel the pain, I didn’t want to deal with the hurt, I just wanted to emotionally put as much distance between myself and the hell that my mother and I suffered all those years.
I can tell you that my trauma denial felt like medicine to my soul, at the time, at least momentarily. It helped distract me from the pain, the memories, the flashbacks, but in reality it was like taking poison to fix a cough…it worked temporarily but the emotional price was extremely high. It took a while but I realized that trauma denial was like standing in line for two hours to get on a ride at Disneyland, which only lasted for five minutes. This might not be your truth or response to trauma but the important thing to know is that trauma recovery begins with our willingness to put down our bucket where we are. Nobody was coming to rescue me or to make healing be easier. Nothing except my willingness to confront the past could open my eyes to the possibilities, opportunities and the help that I needed to heal.
I have spoken to countless survivors and one thing that we all have had in common is a period of time in which we thought nobody understood what we’ve been through and despite the reality that we were not alone, we felt all alone. This is what putting down our bucket where we are means: in our trauma recovery, we are never alone, we are not the only, and we are surrounded by information and support that can transform our lives. I got to a point where I was tired of being sick and tired. There’s a saying that goes, “When you get tired of being sick and tired, you will know what to do.” That goes along with the statement, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
I didn’t know what I needed, I just knew I needed to break free from the trauma fog, I needed to get off the emotional merry-go-round, and I needed to help me to help myself. If this is where you are, I want to encourage you to trust and believe that there are people, resources and support right where you are that can help you to thrive. The bible tells us: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” (Proverbs 16:22). In other words, with help, the right help, we can discover the path that leads to our promised land.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t purposely refusing help or refusing to help myself, I was stuck, I was overwhelmed, I was numb, and I didn’t have trauma recovery experience. I often refer to Noah in the bible to explain how some survivors feel when embarking on their healing journey: Noah had no Ark building experience, he had never seen an Ark, he had no idea how long it would take to build an Ark, he didn’t know anyone who had ever built an Ark, and he had no experience navigating an Ark…but like Noah, we don’t need to know how, we need to know and trust that it’s possible, that we have what we need to do what comes next, and that if put our bucket down where we are, we can and will discover the help we need.
It’s not easy, it’s not simple, it’s necessary beloved. Your healing journey is your journey and you will be more than a conqueror. You deserve to live your best life and to transform the past into your super power. You are not alone, you’re surrounded by information and people who are waiting to help, support and guide you into the path that will lead to you to your promised land.
Remember this beloved, your healing is not about them, it’s not about changing the past or forgetting the past. It’s not about an apology or their remorse or if they will ever regret what they did. It’s about you, what you deserve and what you owe you. The bible tells us: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). Just like Noah, you don’t have to know what to do, you have to know, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
“I will come forth as gold” (Job 23:10)
Trauma impacts everyone differently. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to trauma recovery. The most important thing we can do for our trauma recovery is to be our biggest and strongest advocate. In his article, Why Do We Have Trauma, JL Heinze writes, “Fortunately, humans have high levels of what is called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to change and adapt as a result of experience. This means that even if we experience trauma or PTSD, we can heal from it. In fact, in some cases, just thinking a set of affirming thoughts can make us feel better and over time, rewire our brain so that we unlearn that a specific stimulus is potentially dangerous.”
If you are wondering where to start or how to jumpstart your post-traumatic healing journey, these are a great place to begin:
- “The Body Keeps the Score”
- “The Emotionally Destructive Marriage”
- “Waking the Tiger”
- “Trauma and Recovery”
- “The Life Saving Divorce”
- “Trauma and Memory”
- “The Complex PTSD Workbook”
- “Transforming the Living Legacy of Trauma”
- “How To Do The Work”
Today’s Exercise
- Grab your journal and write down the areas of healing that are the most challenging for you. Beneath each, write down at lease three resources that will help point you in the right direction. If you don’t know of any resources, write a question mark and dedicate yourself to researching your topic (Google) to discover at least three resources or sources of information.
- Being your strongest advocate will always produce the results you desire. Write down five ways in which you can be your strongest advocate, and incorporate advocacy for yourself in your healing journey.
- Visit The Exodus Project Resource page and check out the Education and Resources section. Click Here to visit The Exodus Project Resources page.
