Discussion 1: Lifting The Burden Masterclass

Welcome to Discussion 1 of the Lifting The Burden Masterclass. I hope you have come with an expecting heart, an open mind and a desire for transformational discussions. Before we begin, I want to take the opportunity to give you a standing ovation for taking the time to feed your mind, body and soul. Healing is a journey, not a destination, and I am prayerful that this masterclass will inspire and encourage you to keep going.

Ok, let’s jump in…

The subject of today’s discussion is one that I find to be extremely critical for our holistic healing journey. If you’ve experienced relational trauma, you’ve suffered in ways that few understand. Betrayal, horrific maltreatment, insidious disrespect and diabolical behavior perpetrated by someone you love is like being run over by a car and then finding out that the person you loved paid the driver to do it. 

At some point along the way, we slowly adopt a survivor’s psychology. What I mean is, traumatic relationships have a way of changing you. You cannot be subjected to the horror of relational trauma without being changed. The change doesn’t happen overnight, it happens over time. It happens without us knowing or realizing it, and without us intentionally doing anything — except trying to survive.

Oftentimes, after escaping from a traumatic relationship, we feel lost, scared and uncertain in our own skin. I call this “Pillar Trauma.” The three pillars of our temple are Truth, Identity and Personal Agency. Our healing journey relies on the very things that a traumatic relationship tries to rob us of. And sometimes, a traumatic relationship will reveal the damage our Truth, Identity and Personal Agency has suffered as a child or in history relationships. Let’s dig a little deeper into these three pillars to understand how important they are to our healing journey…

“Trauma is tied to our belief system”

The truth that we believe will determine what we perceive, how we proceed and even the power of God in our life. Do you remember the story of Elijah, God’s world wind prophet? Elijah was the prophet who was so traumatized by what he believed about Jezebel’s death threat that he ran and ran, until he came to rest under a tree where he prayed to God to take his life (1 Kings 19:1-18). Elijah’s truth was crushed by the weight of his trauma. You would have to understand what God did for Elijah just before he was traumatized to understand the effect trauma can and does have on truth.

Right before his traumatic experience, Elijah was surrounded by 450 of his enemies — prophets of Baal. In an epic showdown, Elijah called on God to prove He was God…and he and God alone destroyed all of his 450 enemies from a single prayer (1 Kings 18:16-40). Now, fast forward back to Elijah sitting under a tree praying to God to take his life. Trauma attacks our truth in ways that we don’t even imagine beloved. Our faith, trust and hope in God comes from the truth we believe. And like Elijah, trauma can even challenge our proof that God is real.

Before God spoke to Elijah, God sent Angels to feed and make him rest. Why? Because our truth is hard to hear when our mind is running from fear and lies. After Elijah rested, God came to him and simply asked, “Why are you hear?” After a long discussion, God basically said to Elijah, that’s not your truth…your beliefs aren’t your truth, they’re your trauma. Then God said to Elijah: “I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him” (1 Kings 19:18). In his state of mind, Elijah’s truth was canceled, he thought he was all alone, and the same God who helped him defeat 450 of his enemies was too small for one enemy. Not only did trauma cancel his history with God, his truth and proof, but it also canceled the  possibility of him being victorious with God — again. 

A traumatic relationship, an abuser, viciously attacks our truth because our power is in our truth. An abusive relationship is about coercive control…control of our truth, identity and personal agency. And in our post-traumatic growth, we have to recover our truth from the lies that kept us bound and controlled.

Your truth is your power…it is the source of your strength. It tells you what to think, believe and what you can do, overcome and conquer. Your truth is not yours, it’s God’s. It comes from God for your identity. The bible tells us, “Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32-33). Your freedom, your post-traumatic growth, depends not only on the truth you believe but the truth you speak: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21). Your truth puts your journey into perspective, it puts your valley into perspective, it puts your hope and your resilience into perspective. Your truth will set you free to believe and trust in your ability to thrive after trauma.

Truth won’t make the pain go away, truth will make the pain bow down to your anointed purpose, and the hope and faith you have in the life God promised you. If you don’t give up (Isaiah 40:31), if you commit yourself to casting down all thoughts that exalt themselves above the knowledge of the truth (2 Corinthians 10;5), and if you commit to speaking your truth when the road gets rough, you will change the trajectory of your healing beloved. Your life is not over, your history is over, and your future is what you say it will be.

“Trauma is not who you are, trauma is what happened to you.”

Just as truth suffers in a traumatic relationship, so does our identity. Our “I Am” suffers when we are forced to become someone we’re not as the result of a traumatic relationship. Our I Am is under attack when our temple is being destroyed. A perpetrator will stop at nothing to tear us down, cause us to doubt who we are, cause us to doubt our self-worth, cause us to doubt our power and even cause us to doubt God’s love for us. Then, after coming out of hell, have you noticed we’re given every label except powerful, conqueror or victor? 

“The truth we believe about ourselves determines our identity, and our identity determines our personal agency.”

Do you remember the Apostle Paul’s thorn in the flesh? His trauma was so severe that his whole mind and body was tormented. The Apostle Paul said, “…I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me” (2 Corinthians 12:7). To understand the Apostle Paul’s torment, we have to understand who Paul was in Christ…The Apostle Paul had been beaten to the point of near death. While unconscious, Paul was “caught up” to heaven and, unlike any of the other Apostles, God revealed His word and Paul’s identity to him (2 Corinthians 12:1-8). Paul was an Apostle’s Apostle. He was tried and tested under the most extreme of circumstances. The Apostle Paul knew the entire bible and was author of 13 books of the New Testament. 

But here we see with Paul in 2 Corinthians 12, what happens when we encounter torment like none we’ve ever experienced before — no matter who you are. The Apostle Paul’s identity suffered. The pain of his torment was so severe that he prayed for God like he didn’t know God or God’s word — 3 times. What this tells us is, we don’t meet grace when we read about it, we meet grace when we can’t do anything about it — under our own power. Paul’s thorn in the flesh, just like ours, can and does cause a temporary identity crisis…we will forget who we are…our I Am. The bible tells us that after the Apostle Paul prayed to God 3 times, God told him: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God’s grace is sufficient for who? For His child, created in His image and anointed to be victorious. When God reminded the Apostle Paul of who he was, the Apostle Paul said, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

This is important for your healing journey beloved. Pay particular attention to what the Apostle said about his weakness: “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” His weakness, his trauma, like ours, will make us identity weak. It will cause us to forget who we are. It is not uncommon, there is no shame in the truth beloved. Hurt hurts, the pain of trauma is real…no matter who you are. But in your healing journey, you have to set you mind on your identity because God’s power is perfected in your weakness! When our identity in Christ overrules our labels, “Christ’s power rests on us.” Our power in Christ comes from the truth that tells us who we are in Christ…despite what happened to us, or no matter what: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Your identity is the power for your healing journey. They will label you, they will try to define you but don’t you forget who you are — despite what happened to you. Who you are determines where you’re going and what you’re fighting for beloved. 

“Healing from trauma doesn’t mean we go back to who we used to be, it means we go forward to become the next powerful version of ourselves” (Philippians 3:13-14).

Just as trauma seeks to undermine our truth and destroy our identity, it also tries to undermine our personal agency: our ability, right and authority to make decisions for our life. An abuser seeks to kill, steal and destroy personal agency. An abuser seeks to take away our choice — and even toxic religion tries to take away our right to make decisions about our own safety and wellbeing in a ungodly relationship. When personal agency is robbed, our identity suffers and our truth suffers. If we have no control, we are being controlled, and that is the death of personal agency. If you’re like most who have been in an abusive, toxic relationship, at some point you felt trapped…by the controlling forces that kept you bound. The lies, the flying monkeys, the guilt, the shame, the fear, the spiritual abuse, the manipulation and the threats all conspired to rob you of your personal agency.

Now that you are free, on your healing journey, you must rebuild your personal agency beloved. Your healing journey will depend on it. Your identity and your truth will depend on it. You have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your personal agency is your super power to navigate your healing journey, set boundaries — guilt free boundaries, choose what’s best for you and do what God said you could do — regardless of what other’s might think. Do you remember the story of Queen Esther? Like you, Queen Esther came from troubled beginnings, she was orphaned from her youth (Esther 2:7). She was, as far as her circumstances were concerned, counted out, told what she wasn’t going to be and what she couldn’t do.

But Queen Esther wasn’t playing by societies rules, man’s rules or religion’s rules, Esther was playing by God’s rules…”If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31). Queen Esther’s uncle told her: “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). You have come to your freedom from abuse for a time such as this beloved. For a time to use your personal agency to walk in God’s calling for your life. 

You, like Ruth, are going to have to walk in personal agency to go where God and your healing wants to take you. Ruth said to her mother-in-law, “Do not urge me to leave you or to turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people will be my people, and your God, my God…” (Ruth 1:16-17). Who is God talking to about personal agency? Ruth had a choice…to stay in her history or exercise her personal agency and walk into her destiny. You have that choice…the enemy tried to take it away from you, trauma tried to rob you of it, and some of you have even experienced a church’s or a pastor’s rebuke of it…because you chose destiny over history, because you chose freedom over hell, because you chose God’s promise over Egypt and Pharaoh. 

The pillars that will support, inform and help you walk confidently and boldly through the valley of healing from relational trauma are Truth, Identity and Personal Agency. Nothing can stop these three beloved. And you will need them to walk confidently out of  your history and into the promise of your healing.

Today’s Exercise:

For today’s exercise, I want you to consider these three tools to get you ready for the journey we’re going to take over the next six days:

1. Read this short message “My Cup Is For God’s Glory“
2. Write down five I  Am statements that are who God says you are and cannot change despite what happened to you. 
3. Write down as many defeating debilitating, defeating lies/labels as you can, and beneath each one of them, write down you the truth you will use to cancel them.  For example if one of your lies is “God Hates Divorce,” your truth statement is, “That’s not biblical, that’s a religious false quote from Malachi 2:10-16, NIV.  God hates an abuser (Psalm 11:5), and abusive behavior (2 Timothy 3:1-5), and the both violate his marriage covenant (Ephesians 5:1-5). God didn’t bind his child to a marriage that departs the covenant, God told His child to let a spouse go who departs the marriage — physically or behaviorally (1 Corinthians 7:15). Get specific with the truth that rebukes lies, so lies don’t have the power to attack your truth.
4. Write down five statements that you will not say or speak over your personal agency. For example, you cannot love again, you cannot have life after trauma, you cannot heal — with work and time, etc.. Be specific, because when personal agency is attacked daily by what we tell ourselves we cannot do, healing will suffer, progress will suffer, hope will suffer, identity will suffer and truth will suffer.

Bless you,

Patrick